The thing about casual sex is that it's not always casual for the other person. It's unfortunate, but power is an intrinsic component of any relationship. The person who is more attached to the relationship - whatever it may be - finds themselves in a weaker position. Consciously or unconsciously, the person with greater power is usually aware of their strength.
I have been on both both ends of this, so I try to not to use my strength to emotionally exploit the vulnerability of the other person. When you tell a girl that, no, you don't want to be her boyfriend, it's not pretty watching the dagger slip into their chest. I take no pleasure in watching hope die. It's completely fucking brutal. It's terrible that it's so common. You can be completely upfront about your intentions and the type of man you are, and you still end up inflicting terrible pain on others. Few things hurt more than unrequited love.
Some people avoid the discussion entirely (hence the prevalence of ghosting), but personally, I think that's inhuman. If someone takes a chance on you, you don't spit in their face. You treat them like a person.
It occurred to me yesterday - walking home at 2 AM, the night sky illuminated by city lights, like a glowing canvas - that promiscuity is not increasing my happiness.
It has taken me a long time (years) to reach this conclusion.
My close friend, who I previously assumed was an incorrigible womanizer, recently got a girlfriend. He tells me he's probably going to marry her. He's been a ravenous pussy hound for seven years. It's not a perfect relationship, but he's doing his best.
People, they surprise you.
people I admire
Bret Easton Ellis