“The so-called ‘psychotically depressed’ person who tries to kill herself doesn’t do so out of quote ‘hopelessness’ or any abstract conviction that life’s assets and debits do not square. And surely not because death seems suddenly appealing.
I buried two friends who died by their own hand in their early twenties. The caskets are heavy, moreso because the white satin gloves they give to pallbearers have little grip to them. The weight of the casket slips past the fabric separating your palms from the metal grips drilled into their sides. There were eight of us carrying the thing, his friends, men in the full bloom of youth, and we could barely carry the thing.
The young have no concept of death, know nothing of its finality.
The first one died when I was twenty-one years old. I took a phone call in a hallway.
What do you mean, it wasn't a car accident?
If you want to see how deep love can go, you need only meet grief. When I saw his parents, I knew that I'd never seen anyone so completely devastated.
It is not enough to give someone a reason not to die. They need a reason to live. Supposedly, we are wired to survive at all costs. This is our genetic legacy, gifted to us from evolution. And yet, in my experience, survival and living are not the same thing. Survival is a prerequisite for the former, but it is not the same thing as living. To live is something greater than that. To live is to love and to be loved. Spiritual needs are as biological as any other.
I'm a flawed human being, but I'm doing my best not to lose another one.
people I admire
Bret Easton Ellis