I have no idea.
Finished my job training a month ago. I've spent a month doing almost nothing, getting out of bed at 1, drifting... unable to stop thinking about the past, the things I fucked up so badly, a creeping sensation of emptiness, fear of the unknown, uncertainty about the future, standing at the mouth of the river, a hundred tributaries flowing in a thousand different directions.
Pick one, the world says.
Things I'd forgotten, but now remember: you can fuck a lot of people, but still be lonely, people are not interchangeable, sometimes you only get one chance (or three), and after that, there are none.
What does it mean to experience sadness when, objectively, you know all of the things that you should grateful for?
Go to sleep at a reasonable hour, put a halt on the madness of your life, wake up, listen to what the waves are telling you.
"Don't look back, you're not going that way."
people I admire
Bret Easton Ellis